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The Blessed Event

 
Joseph walked back out to Mary, who was standing next to the donkey, clutching her stomach. She looked up at him, biting her bottom lip, one eyebrow raised, the other clenched down, eyes wide with the anticipation of disappointment but pleading for a place to deliver this baby post-haste. Anticipating Mary's next question, Joseph said, "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, we can stay here."
Mary leaned her face forward, raising both eyebrows at Joseph. "You know I prefer the bad news first so it can get better. But what is the bad news, any way?" A contraction wracked Mary, forcing her to double over.
"Ummm... remember you told me how you love animals?"
"Yes...?"
Joseph sighed. "The bad news is, we have to stay in the stable with the animals."
Mary began to breathe rapidly in and out as her mother had taught her to do. "Well," she said, between breaths, "we" puff "need" puff "to" puff "get" puff "settled" puff "quickly!" Mary drew in a long, deep cleansing breath and began to effleurage her stomach. "Because I am just about out of time here!"
Mustapha and his wife, Ofra, had finished sweeping out the stall. Mustapha's wife took one look at Mary and said, "Oh my goodness! I had better get you some extra blankets and quick." She turned to Mustapha and smacked the back of his head. "What do you mean, putting a mother-to-be out in the barn, you imbecile!"
Mustapha shrugged. "Like I told my friend Joseph here, the Goldbergs showed up for the Kemelman party an hour before they did. Now let's get these kind people inside and bring them some towels and an ice bucket." He looked up at the stars. "You know, that's a mighty bright one... it's like it's shining right on the stable. Hmmm."
Joseph busied himself helping Mary down onto the hay and bringing their bedrolls from the donkey's patient back. Mustapha brought out embroidered towels and an ice bucket with the inn's logo emblazoned on it. Joseph said, "What's an ice bucket?"
Mustapha shrugged. "I don't know, they came with the franchise. I have heard tales of water that turns solid on mountaintops from some of the Roman soldiers."
Ofra walked into the stable. "That's just fine," she said, "you stand around while I do all the work!" She glared at Mustapha as she brought the extra blankets into the stall.
Mustapha groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's a thousand days every minute with you!" He was about to say more when Mary let out a yell that curdled the blood of everyone within 3 city blocks.
"I hate to be a party pooper," she said, "but I think it's time for my baby to be born!" Her eyes were wide as she stared down at her hands massaging wildly.
Ofra turned to the two men standing with their mouths wide open. She shuttled them out the barn door and said, "Thank goodness for her I worked as a midwife while I was putting Mr. Congeniality here through hospitality school! Mustapha, make yourself useful and go see if you can't dig up any baby clothes for the child!" She turned back as she shut the stable door.
Mustapha went back inside the inn. Joseph began to pace outside. He was glad that the Lord had provided this midwife. He could construct most of a shed out of two felled trees, but had no idea what to do when it came to delivering babies. He had wondered if the Lord would have given him some kind of a mitt or something to catch the baby. Now, thankfully, he discovered the Lord had had a plan all along. After what seemed like an eternity, he heard a baby's cry. Mustapha heard it also, and came out to the stable door where Joseph was standing. He was clutching some folded garments in his hand.
Ofra came to the door, joy giving her eyes crow's feet. "Come in, papa," she said, "and meet your son. He is the most perfect and beautiful baby I have ever seen! He is glowingÖ he looks like he never went through labor... just perfect!" She turned to Mustapha. "Remember when our babies came?"
Mustapha smiled and put his arm around her. "Now that's my sweet Ofra!" he laughed, his big bass voice filling the courtyard. "Here are the only clothes I could findÖ well, really, they're swaddling cloths. We were all done swaddling this week and we had extra. Remember, last year we finally donated all the baby stuff and the crib to the Imperial Army Thrift Store. Never thought we would need it here again! Here, Joseph... go ahead and let the bambino sleep in the manger."
Joseph took the swaddling cloths from Mustapha. He walked in to see Mary and the new baby. "His name shall be called Jesus," said Mary. Joseph's eyes brimmed with tears of love. Mary held up his new son to him. Joseph knelt down and kissed them both. He hugged Mary as she held the baby Jesus in her arms. "I love you," said Mary to both of her men.
"I love you, too," said Joseph.
The baby's eyes shone at his earthly mother and father through the starlit stable.
© 1998 - 2011, John Gifford for Shecky's House
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